How to become a Social Justice Warrior

09/20/2018 Giant JimJam

I feel uncomfortable. Why introspect about the source of discomfort when I can abdicate all responsibility?

Self-introspection, personal responsibility and political correctness are for the alt-right and the neo-Nazis.

I must find an external source to project this discomfort upon. Will it be capitalism or the patriarchy? That’s too broad. It's time to go tribal.

First, let me define myself through the lens of multiple identities.

Shit! I’m a white female. Thankfully, I have multiple trans friends and 2 black (token) friends. Okay, now I can pass the intersectionality exam. I wish I were differently abled, but I’m not. It’s okay. Being an ally is enough qualification these days.

I must find someone to slander who’s high up in the privilege hierarchy. I pray to Buddha he’s a Republican, because it will fuel my righteous anger. 

Look at that stupid, cisgender white male shitting all over marginalized factory workers in China. How dare he occupy a position of power for thousands of years? I’m going to take him down.

Let me find a triggering set of tweets from 2010. I must issue a clarion call to fellow liberal SJWs.  Join the mob, my triggered besties! The shit has just hit Elon Musk’s new satellite!

Begins online campaign against said white male using a smartphone built in China by white male’s company.

Giant JimJam is a student at NYU, who loves baiting and triggering SJWs, by campaigning for everything they can’t stand – unity, a sense of humor and political incorrectness. Her utopian wet dream is a campus where SJWs eat each other alive, and she believes they’ll do it without her help.

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