Ball of fur curls into ball of fear
Social Justice Warriors are ganging up and hurling epithets at a sweetheart of a puppy, once the star of “Open to All”, a safe space in Crown Heights, Brooklyn. With a personal Twitter handle, Facebook Page, Instagram account and Squarespace website, this little mitten was once the mascot for unconditional love and kindness for minorities. Scores of blacks, Hispanics (and even one Asian kid) visited the safe space to cuddle and play with Lil’ J.
This morning, Lil’ J was being roughed up by a black kid called Tyron (not his real name). A biracial kid pointed this out to an adult. However, on account of his 50% white privilege, he was told to shut the fuck up.
Liu Yang (not her real name), the only Asian kid who’s ever been allowed into the safe space, became very upset because “the puppy was showing obvious discomfort, and the kid didn’t seem to get that”. Yang complained to a volunteer, who promised her five Snickers bars if she kept quiet. Yang told our correspondent that the volunteer insisted it’s wrong to complain if black people play rough, because they are killed by white cops. That scared twelve-year-old Yang into silence. But not for long.
Ten minutes later, when Tyron attempted to sit on the puppy, Yang went full tiger mom on him. She marched up to the boy and commanded him to get off Lil’ J. Tyron told her to mind her own business, and pulled Lil’ J’s ears. Lil’ J bit Tyron, who yelled so loudly the volunteers rushed to his aid.
Before anyone could process what was happening, the SJWs arrived in droves, horns blazing.
“I don’t even know where they came from,” said Michelle, a centrist volunteer at “Open to All”. “Within two minutes of Tyron being bitten, eleven Social Justice Warriors stormed the safe space and began screaming at that Asian girl and the puppy. They told Tyron to go home, and he was so terrified of the horns that he fled.”
Eyewitnesses say Yang threatened to call the police, and the SJWs told her she had no right to use her white privilege to oppress a person of color.
“But I’m Asian, not white,” yelled Yang.
“You’re white,” yelled a white SJW.
“So are you,” yelled Yang.
“But you’re Asian. Your IQ oppresses poor black people.”
“Who’s oppressing whom? I’ll show you!” Yang did something her Chinese mother would have slapped her in the street for. She grabbed that noisy SJW’s palm and sunk her canines into it. The SJW screamed and pushed Yang to the floor. The puppy got his mojo back, and bit the SJW.
Yang realized she was going to be mobbed, and ran out of the safe space. She met Tyron in a parallel street, sucking on a lollipop like a pacifier. They discovered a common dislike of SJWs.
“You were the sanest person in that space,” said Tyron. “You have some balls. Totes respect.”
“I told him I’m a girl. No balls. He offered me a lollipop. We became friends,” says Yang. She’s currently teaching Tyron math, and he’s teaching her how to slam dunk. God bless racial stereotypes.
The puppy’s social media accounts have been blocked. Yang and the puppy have been permanently banned from “Open to All.”